Sardonic Sistah Says

It feels like deja vu.  Not just because they have had this conversation before on The View, but because I have had this discussion with white friends.

“Why do black people call themselves the n-word?”

“Well, we reappropriated the word to make it a term of endearment, of camaraderie, of familial greeting.  Poets use it, writers, use it, rappers and, of course, everyday people.”

“But I can’t use it?”

“Hell, no.  You bet not.”

That is really what it boils down to, white people can’t use it so then it should be off limits for everyone.  But trying to keep the n-word out of the mouths of black people is like trying to keep a fat person away from a half off all you can eat buffet.  Yeah, it’s not going to happen.  

At work they try to discourage it’s use among the teen adolescent patrons.  The white librarians admonish the black kids for using the n-word because they are legitimately insulted.  I, on the other hand, ignore them unless they scream it out.  Like this one girl who came in one day.  She had left the department with her friend, stepping out of her shoes and leaving them behind for some odd reason.  The boyfriend left with a male friend a few minutes after her, carrying her shoes in hand and heading in the same direction she did.  Five minutes later the barefoot teen comes back in and heads to the place they were sitting, finding her shoes gone.

“I can’t believe that nigga took my shoes,” the girl says to her female friends.  “I’m gonna get his ass when I see him.”

“Hey,” I say to her in a low voice, shaking my head.  “You can’t use that word in here.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she looked very contrite.

Did I mention the girls were white and the boyfriend and his friend were black?  And the only reason I said something to her was that the majority of the room were black teens and I wasn’t exactly sure how they would act. 

When I was a teen a couple of decades ago, I have a covey of white female friends who exclusively dated black guys.  And they used the n-word incessantly.  To them nigga was synonymous for black male.  One friend explained to me the proper way to say it.

“You have to say nig-guh and not nig-gerrr,” she said in all sincerity.  “Saying nigga shows you’re down, saying nigger shows you’re a racist.”

I had to agree.

I think as the world gets smaller and more connected we will see the word morph and change into something else and for better or worse more non-black people will become comfortable with using it.  I’m not sure if it has been completely defanged but it is definitely something that Americans of all colors and generations need to think about.

“Aren’t you Zo Wesson?” I asked the man walking a few steps behind me. 

He was.  After introductions we were walking in step.  I told him how J and l really liked his local radio show and I asked him what he was up to now.  He talked about his upcoming art exhibition for a local museum and that he still does the radio show.  I asked him what he was doing film wise and he got excited and started telling me he was the director for the upcoming show “Real Housewives of the Atlanta“.

“Oh wow, that’s hot!” I said excitedly. ”I’ve heard the buzz on that show; people are anticipating it.”

Wesson said this new series was going to be crazy and promises not to disappoint.  “These women are going to take the show to another level.”

I have to admit, I have never watched an episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” or the “Real Housewives of New York City”.  I have watched the first season of Desperate Housewives but when they added Alfre Woodard to the cast and de-vamped her alongside the rest of the young, sexy vixens I gave up on the show.  It was the diva mother vibe that only a black woman could bring that kept me from watching the Real Housewives shows.  Why can’t women of color be sexy and sophisticated, chic and conniving as other women are allowed to be on television without it impugning our femininity and pigeonholing us into the overused stereotypes of Geisha, Dragon Lady, Sapphire or Mammy.

Or the best friend.  We have it all together and always at the ready to drop a few bon mots because we have no love life our own to attend to.

But perhaps these Diva Mamas can help to turn it around.  In Atlanta we have (information courtesy of Bravo.com):

Sheree Whitfield is a single socialite mother raising her three children.  After years of owning her own boutique she closed it up to start her own clothing line called She by Sheree.

NeNe Leakeslives in the upscale area of Sugarloaf with her husband and two sons. While her husband is a successful real estate investor and business consultant, Nene Leakes donates her time to various causes.

Kim Zolciak is single and raising her two children while trying to jumpstart a singing career in country music.  She is currently working on music with Dallas Austin.

DeShawn Snow lives with her Cleveland Cavalier husband and their three boys.  She is also an active member of her church and her pet charity is a non-profit that focuses on improving the self-esteem of young girls.

Lisa Wu Hartwell is a career woman who owns her own real estate firm along with overseeing her own jewelry line called Wu Girls, a baby clothing line, Hart 2 Hart Baby, and juggles budding acting, modeling, and writing careers. She lives with her husband who is in the NFL and two kids.

So let’s hope that these ATL ladies can change the game of women of color on reality TV.  With them just getting this show, they already have.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta will preview July 30 at 12am ET/PT.