Sardonic Sistah Says

Observations… Ruminations… Ponderances… & Rants from Another Perspective

The Comfort of Stereotypes (part two)

with 4 comments

“What do Asian men like about Black women?”

It’s a loaded question.  It begs for generalities on both sides.  First, the speaker has to be the spokesperson for hundreds of men who might share a similar attraction for the same ethnicity. Secondly, the women are then described in interhangeable terms as having the same demeanor, physical attributes and outlook.

But for some reason the women want to hear it.  Many times I have seen the question on interracial message boards with black women.  The question is usually asked by young women of various ages and once its said it seems to placate the readers because then they begin to offer their general answers to what they find attractive about Asian men.   

On most of the interracial boards that I have been on people spoke of other races they were attracted to with sweeping statements, albeit positive.  A few touted their attraction to other races as an indicator of how America was on the road to becoming a colorblind society, missing the irony how their attraction was directly linked to another person’s color.  Some ascribed certain behavior and attributes to someone based on their race.  Black males holding up white females as being less combative and more receptive than their black female counterparts.  White females in awe of the black males masculinity and gentleness.  White males equally upheld black women for their strength and beauty and black women loved white males for their diligence and commitment to family.  I asked can’t you find these attribute in any person of any color and a few that answered said no, you can’t.  These things were inherent in that race, they were sure.

But its not necessarily true if the person of that different race is of the same gender.  On a lot of interracial message boards black females and white females rarely strike up friendship, even if they are parents of biracial children.  The black males and white males aren’t always on the best of terms.  The person who has good feelings and high regard for someone of the opposite sex is often doesn’t extend those feelings to someone of their same gender.

Some attribute the fetishizing of race and color a result of the laws and social order that helped to keep people within colorlines since the inception of this country.  Although there are people who truly find love regardless of what color someone might be there are those who are fascinated with the packages along with what is on the inside.  In Colorlines Magazine (Winter 2004) , Daisy Hernandez wrote an article called Playing with Race.  It was about couples who took BDSM to another level by incorporating what they referred to as “race play”, using racial name calling and slavery scenarios to help heighten a couple’s sexual pleasure.  Monoracial couples can still get in on the act.  For some cuckolded men the allure of a Mandingo servicing his wife is a turn on.

“Most black men are not offended by the stereotype that they’re well-hung,” he continues. “But what gets on my nerves is when the ad says, ‘We want a gold-toothed, baggy-pants type,’ or, ‘We want you to look like Allen Iverson or Usher.’ You know what? The typical bull on Craigslist is not going to look like Usher, so get over your stereotype and deal with it.” (from

When just going for a sexual fantasy or an easy pickup cultural/racial fetishing makes life easy for some.  But for those looking for long-term relationships, a person wants to know if its them or their race.  A recent letter to an advice column had a young asian male questioning the intentions of a white female he just met (Lincoln Journal StarLincoln, Neb.: Mar 20, 2007).   Writer Barbara Hernandez goes on a bit of a rant about the problems Latina and Asian women have in dating whitel males in her article “A Woman of Color Who’s Seeing Red” (LA Times, Aug 24 2006).  In the article she discusses the latent prejudices some white males have who only want to date certain women and how trying it is on a woman of color’s psyche.

“Weirdness aside, prejudice always came up,” Hernandez writes.  “Our differences were relatively easy to ignore until the immigration issue came up. And as I masochistically watched Lou Dobbs, the comments came…That’s the moment your woman of color is really asking to find out just what kind of man you are…So I waited for the boyfriend to say something offensive. And he did.  Women of color dating white men seem to eternally be the teacher in the relationship, one of the biggest turnoffs to their hotness in bed.”

So when critics clamor that leaving out the racial problems and sometimes racial allure of the characters on tv shows is somewhat disingenuous perhaps they are right.  Maybe too often in real life a non-black male is more concerned with getting hot jungle/ghetto sex with a black female instead of who she is on the outside or a non-hispanic female knows that latin male can take her to new sexual heights all the while speaking spanish in her ear.  Its not really the content of our character but the color of our skin which can’t be seen when the lights go out.


Written by rentec

23 June, 2007 at 5:32 pm

4 Responses

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  1. well i am caribbean and my boyfriend is south african he has done well for himself and has an important job.

    I would say that africans are doing better than the caribbeans i am not really sure why but i meet lots who are teaching english in far eastern countries, or set up their own business etc, but on the whole they tend to sitck to black men/women because they are from a totoally different country, it tends to be caribbeans who go for white men/women.

    i personally want to give black men a chance but black men need to give themselves a chance and STOP messing about and get some morals and have firm principles into them, and try to find something even if its voluntary work in the caribbean community rather than muck about, black women do want to look after men i would say more so than white in general but i can tely ou black men are missing out on black women.

    i have nothing against interracial relationships but if we are to have harmony and less problems we need to STICK TOGETHER! and have principles.


    24 June, 2007 at 9:03 pm

  2. oh yes your comment to baggy trousers i do not like this type of man i prefer soeone who dresses more normal and chooses not to stereo type themselves to some thing like this which also doesn’t help our image in the world.


    24 June, 2007 at 9:05 pm

  3. Interesting point about not liking the members of the race of the same gender.

    I had a friend (we no longer speak) who was one of those white guys that couldn’t say a bad thing about Asian women. I have no problem with interracial dating, relationships and marriage.

    I’m black and if a guy goes on and on about how he only dates black women, I’m walking. That’s a personal thing but I feel it’s not him being into me per se, but being into some fantasy he associates with black women. If I date outside of my race (and most of my relationships have been interracial), I prefer a guy who appears to like me for me. Now the fact that I’m a cute black woman does help but if you’re chasing me just ’cause I’m black, you’ll be turned away. No “hot jungle sex for you”. I guess I’m the “hot jungle sex” soup Nazi 😉

    Anyway, this friend and I would get into some serious debates on what I saw as more of a fetish and a power game than geniune attraction. I think his attraction was based on stereotypes which a lot of Asian women do live up to but a lot knowingly exploit. I won’t blame them for their hustle – more power to you ladies. It’s just the thing I can’t take is some white guy going on and on when it’s clear he’s being played. Then I’m going to point out he’s being a dupe. Of course, they get mad and the conversation gets heated.

    What got under my skin was in one breath he’d talk about how Korean women were this and that, rush to their aide and defense, but in the next breath he’d say how he didn’t like Korean men. WTF?

    Korean men are the fathers and brothers of these women you idolize so much! It was offensive to its core.

    Some white men I’ve encountered see themselves as the Great White Knight to save those poor oppressed Asian women from their backwards and misongynistic societies. In some cases, that could very well be true but it’s just condescending beyond words.


    7 October, 2007 at 2:36 am

  4. (claps loudly)


    7 March, 2008 at 12:38 pm

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