Sardonic Sistah Says

Observations… Ruminations… Ponderances… & Rants from Another Perspective

Sybil’s Dilemma

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Yesterday Sybil called me to ask me something but then she never really got around to the question.  We mostly talked about the guy I got to help her create the webpage for her hiking group.  She kept repeating, he’s so sweet, he’s just so sweet.

Yeah, I agreed.  He’s also single, good job, own’s his home and has no kids.  Never been married.  He’s physically fit. He’s painfully shy. I was trying to do a soft sale but I was probably pushing it.  She never noticed, I don’t think.

“His family is open minded, too,” I said.  I told her of how he had a sister IR married to a black male and a brother IR married to a Latina.  “They aren’t too worried about race.” I assured.  Then I laughed.  “I think at this point they just want to get him married off.”

Unfortunately her family doesn’t feel the same way.  I think she’s interested in “Computer Guy” but the fact that he is white is holding her back.  “Considering your age…” I began carefully.  “You know… that you are 40 and you haven’t really been dating of late… don’t you think they will overlook his color and just want you to be happy?  Don’t you think that they will be so glad if you found someone to love you that you can love to –that has a job– that they can forget he’s white?”

She didn’t think so.  “Whenever I go out my mother’s always asking me if he’s black or white.  She just recently told me about a wedding and how there might be some good single black men there.”

“Come on now,” I said disbelieving.  “Your mom?  I mean, she knows you.  How many black guys have you dated in your life?”

“How many guys have I dated period?” she asked.

“See!  And of the handful of guys you have dated most of them have been non-black.  So how can she honestly say that she would expect you to marry a black guy?  I don’t think it would bother her as much.”

“But she asks.”

“Well, I would ask, too,” I said dismissively.  “Ya know,  folks are gonna ask.”

“But then there’s my Aunt…” Sybil said.  And that is the real crux of the problem.  Her aunt is a bigot and has let everyone know in no uncertain terms how she feels about white people.  Although she was raised by her mother she has been closer to her aunt than her own mother.  She asked her aunt how she would feel if she were to get seriously involved with a non-black male and her aunt told her she didn’t care because she isn’t her child.  But she won’t believe her, mostly because her aunt was so venomous when one of her own children got involved with someone white and had a child with them.  For the longest time the aunt wouldnt’ allow the child in her home and when she did she couldn’t interact with him.  Sybil needs her relationship with her aunt, more than she needs a man at this point or a family of her own.

So we strategized about what she could do about her meeting men.  We thought maybe another friend (also another black female) would be a better match for Computer Guy since she came from a family that didn’t have similar racial hang ups.  We talked about what she learned from previous relationships and what she wanted in life; what were her goals.  I told her I thought she would make a great mom and I hope someday she got to be one. 

We talked about how she was going to see Computer Guy today and how he was so nice.

“You know, I see you are trying to control it but then you date white guys.  If you date white guys then can’t you see the possibility of falling deeply in love with one?”

“Yeah, I see it.”

“But if you fall in love what then?  Will you dump him then because your family will disapprove of him?”

“Oh no,” she said.  “When I’m in love nothing else matters.  When I fall in love its just me and him and I don’t care what anyone else thinks because that is at the forefront of my mind.”

So maybe Computer Guy has a chance yet.  If we can just get him out of his shyness.  I guess we’ll see.

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Written by rentec

2 August, 2007 at 11:14 pm

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