Sardonic Sistah Says

Observations… Ruminations… Ponderances… & Rants from Another Perspective

Sometimes You Just Don’t Know What You Want

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It’s been a while since I spoke about Sybil because she’s mostly been working and not on the manhunt.  But a month ago she sent me an email asking for my opinion.  She’s been posting her profile on a few different singles sites and has yet to get a bite and wanted to know what I thought of her summation of herself. 

Being a Luddite she didn’t know how to copy and paste her profile and being a married woman I didn’t want to sign up for the single sites as she suggested.  So I was going to let her waft in her sea of singleness because if you can cope with a decade of celibacy then coupling gets less urgent.

But then I ran across an older gentleman on one of the boards that I frequent.   He seemed comfortable online moreso than her, talkative but not garrulous, and reflective.  Since she seems to like friends to vet her potential boyfriends  I decided to write a letter of introduction to him.  I generally try to abstain from doing that because I generally get burned in her dealings but I decided I could try to be nice.

Me: I have a friend I think you could be compatible with.  She’s quirky but refined, a homebody but likes to travel, adventurous but shy (ye’s she’s a paradox).  And you?  Are you a young kind of older guy or a”God what is wrong with anyone born after 1955?”  type of guy?  Oh, here are her picture,  could you send one in kind.

He thought she was “very pretty” and sent his picture.  He is handsome and distinguished.  So I called my friend and broke it down for her, “Hey, I sussed out this guy for you online.  He’s attractive, not shy; I sent him your picture and he thinks you are very pretty.”  I told her his age, told her even if he’s not Mr. Right he could be Mr. Right Now to get your motor started.  Girl, jump on it.

She wanted to see his picture and I told her I would send it when I got home, but I was unable to.  The next day she called me up to remind me and I sent off his pic with information.  She said she thought he was attractive and would contact him.

Three weeks pass and she emails me to wish me season’s greetings.  I send them back to her and ask her how it was going with her and the older gentleman.  She replies she hasn’t contacted him. 

Why? I ask.

“Oh, I just tend to procrastinate.”

:-/  I wish I could put a raised eyebrow on that face, too.  Maybe age was more of a factor than wants to admit.  Or maybe the opening segue is makes her apprehensive.  I’m not sure, but since she didn’t elaborate I didn’t delve because I am not her love guru but it seems to me if you can go three weeks without contacting someone you claim to be mildly interested in then you aren’t really interested.  And if you reach out for help but put up barriers and limitations on how someone can help you then perhaps help isn’t needed. 

But being a curious person I do wonder why she makes these timid outreaches only to set up impediments to make sure her attempts are futile.  If she had a crew of single female friends who were also looking it might be easier for her, which shouldn’t be too hard to gather since, unfortunately, there are quite a few single 40-something black women.   Then I think, maybe she doesn’t really want what she claims she desires.  Relationships are hard work, people on paper are much easier to deal with than real live human beings who make demands or fail to show up when needed.  So a person might half heartedly look and then blame it on a myriad of reasons why they can’t connect, because connecting is pretty scary.

Yet so is being alone.  In not getting out and meeting people she’s shortchanging herself on a chance to connect and grow mentally and emotionally.  Sartre said “L’enfer, c’est les autres” but I think he was a bit wrong on that part.  Yeah, people can be hell, but being without them can be hell, too.

Maybe she was just predestined to be Aunt Sybil.  The eccentric aunt who is great with kids, has great advice, and tells her younger folks about what path to follow.  Maybe it’s her destiny to be that person.

But then I always thought people made their own destinies.

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Written by rentec

3 January, 2010 at 12:51 am

Posted in black women, dating

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